The Lazy Ad Executive's Path to Success: Using Soft Core Porn to Sell Cars

• Are you an advertising executive who is struggling for ideas?

• Do you have a client who is being courted by other agencies?

• Are you telling yourself that those other agencies are probably providing high class hookers to steal YOUR account away from you and your agency?

Well my friend, I have the three step answer which will put those fears of losing your agency's biggest client to ease.

ADVERTISING SUCCESS STEP ONE : Define the Target Audience

You may have been told that defining your client's target audience requires time and thought, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!

Simply pitch your client that you're creating an "exciting" campaign that will appeal to men age 25-101 who earn $50K or more a year.

Your client should begin drooling immediately. If not, make sure it's not some feminine hygiene product. (You can still sell this demographic to them, you'll just have to exercise a tiny bit of creativity to do so.)

All clients love the high income male demographic. Be sure to stress that this demographic has not been hurt by the recent economic downturn. (If the economy is not in an economic downturn a.k.a. after an election, then emphasize that this demographic won't be hurt by the next down turn, a.k.a before the next election.)

If they're not drooling over the potential of this demographic, don't worry. We'll close them solidly later on.

ADVERTISING SUCCESS STEP TWO: Create a campaign based on soft porn

Present your lewd and lascivious print campaign. (See BMW's example of lews and lascivious advertising here.)

Be sure you find a model who's barely legal for this ad and be sure that she's an aspiring porn star. Remember, you may be telling your CLIENT that the target demographic for this ad is high income men ages 25-101, but in reality what you're going for is a complete lack of blood flow to the brain every heterosexual man in the room.

See, God played a cruel trick when He created man. In essence, He didn't give men enough blood to run both their brains and their genitals at the same time. So, by creating a print ad that effectively drops the IQ of every male executive in the room to 1, you eliminate any resistance to your low effort/low creativity advertising promotion.

If the lady is as lovely in person as she is in print, bring her to the meeting. Be careful not to hide her many "attributes". On the other hand, if she's been heavily airbrushed, then bring in scantily clad 18 year olds who are future Playmates to help launch the campaign.

Remember, the goal is to reduce the IQ of every man in the room to 1. Once that is achieve, victory is yours.

ADVERTISING SUCCESS STEP THREE: Gentlemen, put on your flame suits.

Now you can sit back and reap the fruits of your labor. The women's groups will see your ad and raise a ruckus. Nothing generates more free PR than a bunch of picketers in front of the business.

If your client gets nervous, point out that there's no such thing as bad publicity. Point out how much such airtime would cost if the client were buying that time. Now, try to figure out a way to bill your client for PR services in addition to billing them for the ad.

There you have it, 3 easy steps to pave the lazy ad executive's path to advertising success.

Business Website Design Preparation

It doesn't matter if you're preparing to launch a Blog or a static website, preparation is by far the most difficult part of the business website design process.

Business website design preparation ideally should begin with a complete review of the marketing strategy of the business. After all, most business websites are considered marketing tools, heck they could be classified as an advertising expense.

Notice I said marketing strategy... the business seeking to launch or relaunch a website should not consider the website merely a marketing tactic. There's a huge difference between a marketing tactic and a marketing strategy.

(Read Why the best marketing tactics may fail to produce results for a thorough explanation of the difference between a marketing strategy and a marketing tactic.)

As Shakespeare would say, "Ah, there's the rub!"

The most difficult part of business website design preparation isn't which Content Managment System to use... nor what language to use to code the site. It isn't even deciding upon the design elements tha tis the most difficutl part of business website design preparation.

The most difficult part of business website design preparation is creating the content... the marketing message that the website will be asked to carry.

Every other step in the business website design preparation is based upon the marketing strategy of the business.

Blog Diagnostic Tool to Create a Better Blog

First, WHEW!!! Blogger doesn't think this blog is spam! I was just reading A Newbie's Guide to Publishing: Fuzzy Navel & Help Needed and blogger thought his blog was spam. Which is weird because to a human, his blog doesn't look like spam at ALL!

Most of the web is ruled by machines.... programs really. Sometimes the machines don't see things as we humans do, as is the case of the blog above being marked as spam by Blogger.

However, sometimes the machines can help us to see things more clearly. Such is the case with Wordle. A Wordle is a word cloud with style. Wordle can take the contents of your blog's rss feed and create a beautiful word cloud which shows you what your blog looks like to the machines.

In my post Blog Diagnostic Tool - Wordle: Graphic Illustration of Your Blog’s Content I show different wordles for different blogs. The wordle I created for my book's blog Beyond Niche Marketing shows that I've been spending too much word capital on "free" and not enough on "niche".

It's important to write your blog for the human visitors... but it's equally important to keep the machines in mind. The machines are what run the search engines and the search engines drive a LOT of the traffic on the internet.

If you're blog is struggling to find it's place in with the machines, Wordle is a great tool to let you see graphically what you've been blogging about from the eyes of the machine.